Draw two boxes on the board, labeling them "Act Like a Man" and "Act Like a Lady". Participants are invited to come to the board and fill in the boxes, or you can do this as a collective brainstorm, filling in students' answers as facilitator. Participants can also do this as individuals or in pairs/small groups. Remember that this exercise seeks to look at stereotypes, not at individual behavior.

The "Act Like a Man" Box

Ask if anyone has ever been told or heard someone being told to “act like a man”. What does it mean to “act like a man”? What are the expectations (which may not be the reality)? Whenever answers coincide with the stereotype, write it inside the box.

1. How are men supposed to be different from women? (E.g., stronger, tougher, in control...) What feelings is a "real man" supposed to have? (E.g., anger, superiority, confidence...)  How do "real men" express their feelings? (E.g., yelling, fighting, silence.) How are "real men" supposed to act sexually? eg.-  aggressive, dominant, with women

2. What are names applied to persons outside the box? (E.g., wimp, queer, gay, wuss...) Write these outside and around the box.

Note: These words are important to say and to write down, but ask participants to answer this question as calmly and respectfully as possible.

3. What things happen physically to people outside the box? (E.g., Fights, beat up, harassed, teased, abused, ignored...) Write these outside and around the box.

The "Act Like a Lady" Box

Ask if anyone has ever been told or heard someone being told to “act like a lady”. Ask what it means to “act like a lady” – what are the expectations (which may not be the reality).

1. How are women supposed to be different from men? (E.g., nicer, weaker, more gossipy...) What feelings is a "real woman" supposed to have? (E.g., fear, sadness, low self-esteem...) How do "real women" express their feelings? (E.g., crying, screaming, hysteria...)

2. How are "real women" supposed to act sexually? Should they follow a man's lead, should they not "sleep around"...?

3. What are names applied to persons outside the box? (E.g., tomboy, lesbian, easy.) Write these outside and around the box.

Note: These words are important to say and to write down, but ask participants to answer this question calmly and respectfully as possible.

3. What things happen physically to people outside the box? (E.g., harassed, abused, ignored, bad reputation...) Write these outside the box and around the box.

Reflection Questions

1. What do you notice about the influence of male and female stereotypes on sexism (and you may want to add heterosexism and transphobia)?

2. How do the stereotypes listed from the boxes effect both straight and queer people?

Key Points

• These are expectations by society and are not realistic.
• Men that stay inside the box are generally (though not always) safe from the harassment that occurs outside the box.
• Men who leave the box are accused of being “women” or “gay”.
• Men who are accused of being outside the box could retaliate in an aggressive fashion and then put themselves back into the box.
• Women who stay inside the box are not “safe” as promised but are raped or abused as often as women outside the box. The only benefit being that they may be believed by society more often than women outside the box.

Gender Boxes exercise originally created by the Oakland Men’s Project.